It seems so simple, but the question of who pays for the baby shower can be amazingly complicated. Gone are the days where every young mother aspires to a small house with a picket fence, and is dreadfully short on baby supplies.
In fact, the whole point of the showerhas undergone a transformation. Some young moms-to-be depend on itsbounty to get ready for baby, while others want a more social, upscaleevent just to celebrate. Misunderstandings abound, which sadly, canstrain old friendships.
Read our tale of three baby showers belowand you'll avoid the worst pitfalls, bring close friends even closerand still have the shower of your dreams.
1) Tana's Old-School, Stress-Free Shower
Tanadoesn't realize it, but her baby shower situation's more classic thanClassic Coke, so it's going to be a breeze to pull off. She's 21, andher husband was recently deployed. She lives on base and is mostlybroke, but she's rich in friends! They want to help celebrate thishuge life event by hosting her shower.
The friends are prettybroke too, so three of them cleverly co-host, reducing the burden oneach. First, they determine the budget (Tana's mom contributes, freeingup some room). Then, they pick a venue. They decide on Stacey's house,since it's the largest. It can comfortably accommodate about 25 people,so they ask Tana for a guest list of that size.
In preparationfor the party, the hostesses whip up some finger food, fruit punch andiced teas. They snag some inexpensive fresh flowers from a farmer'smarket, bake a cake, and hand out homemade cookies for favors. They'veplanned a few games to pass the time, with prizes sourced from thedollar store.
The shower's a complete success, with Tana gettingsome much-needed items and a fat stack of diapers. She thanks herhostesses for their hard work and kindness, and presents them all witha lovely gift.
Moral of the story: The perfect situation and perfect etiquette led to a warm and loving shower that Mom-to-be and friends will remember forever.
2) Madison's Chic But Troubled Shower
Madison,26, had a five star wedding, with magazine-worthy photos to prove it.She's seen plenty of pics of truly stylish baby showers, and she'd loveone of her own. In fact, she'd really rather do this party herself, butknows that's considered less than kosher.
Seeing the need, herfriend Lauren generously volunteers to play hostess. Immediately,Madison gives her a guest list of 75 people. This puts Lauren in abind, since her house isn't large enough, but Madison suggests hostingthe shower at a restaurant instead.
Now Lauren's really startingto stress. She knows it's extremely poor etiquette to ask showerattendees to pay for their meal, but there's no way Lauren can coverfood for 75 at Chez Henri's.
In the meantime, Madison- wanting the perfect event - is calling up Lauren and "suggesting" shebuy the favors Madison picked out, leaving hints about linens and atwo-tier fondant cake, and offering floral suggestions that sound kindof expensive. Sensing Lauren's distress, Madison eventually offers topay half the cost of the shower. But the remainder's still much morethan Lauren ever planned to spend, and now both Mom and hostess arefeeling a little resentful.
Moral of the story: Micro-managingshowers through a "front person" is a recipe for disaster, and yourfriends should never be asked to host a gala event. Galas need to befunded by the mom-to-be or her close family relatives ... never, everfriends.
Etiquette-Friendly Twist: Whatif you're set on that perfect shower of your dreams, but want to letyour friends lend a hand? Cover the costs yourself, let them contributea modest amount (in food, labor or money, whichever they prefer), thengive them all the credit as hostesses. Sneaky? Yes, but it's sogenerous we think Miss Post herself would approve.
3) Josh and Kelly's Modern, Self-Hosted Shower
Kelly,37, is an intellectual-property attorney on track to make partnerwithin five years. This is her first (and by plan, her only) baby, andshe and husband Josh couldn't be more excited. They've spent scores ofhours planning the nursery, and they want to celebrate together withtheir closest friends.
Although Kelly knows perfectly well thatetiquette says someone else should host, she's planning somethingcatered, with live musicians - something that their couple friends willhave a blast attending. A graphic designer friend is designing thecustom stationery, and Kelly adores picking over all the details: she'sjust ordered cupcakes with hand-quilted buttercream and sculptedmini-sailboats. The couple already has what they need for baby, sothey'll request "no gifts" on the invite, even though some people willignore it.
At the end of the day, the shower is exactly what theywished for, with heartfelt exclamations of "this is the best babyshower I've ever been to!" and plenty of oohs and ahhs over the nursery.
Moral of the Story: Knowingshe needed to handle the details herself led to a warm stash ofmemories from preparing the party, and even more from the actual event.Kelly adored every minute of it.
By now it's probably prettyclear how to steer through these waters and retain old friends. If youcan honestly let go of the process, enjoy a simple, old-fashionedshower and avoid overburdening your BFFs, then lucky you! Your nearestand dearest get the chance to show their love and friendship - and makea big difference to you and your newborn.
But if you're reallytalking a social event with a hefty price tag to match, then kiss offthe rule book and grab the reins. Best of luck ... and enjoy your babyshower to the hilt!
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